Again. Ahead.
I think maybe I hate you. I know I want you to go away, but if you leave then there will really be no one. As though the idea of you is enough, but I don't want the responsibility of you. I don't want definitive answers, yes or no, I want maybe and we'll see. My needs have changed from years ago when all I wanted were answers, and now that I have the answer I want, I'll throw it back in your face. Who wants something easy? Why would I take what's handed to me? Just because it's there?
I think maybe I love you. I know that I don't want you to go away, but if you stay then I may go insane. I don't want you around when I'm okay, that only proves you're like everyone else. You need to be there when I'm finally gone, during The Breakdowns, The Meltdowns, The Fuck Everythings. My needs have changed from 5 minutes ago, and now that I have nothing, I'll throw it in the back of my car, like I have some place to go. Who wants something that is so much work? Why would I take what means effort? Just because I can?
I feel rewarded on being so ugly