d*land

How May I Not Help You?

1. Do not eat or drink while on the phone. We hear everything.

2. Do not carry on conversations with someone else while I'm trying to ask you questions. I don't want to know about your baby's bowel movements.

3. Do not demand.

4. Do not open packages, or shuffle papers while on speaker phone.

5. On that note, Do. Not. Use. Speaker. Phone.

6. Do not murder people in your office while trying to trouble shoot your computer.

7. If you're not sure of my name, don't pretend you know. I don't know you, and probably will never talk to you again, so the first name basis will only last as long as I'm on the phone with you.

8. Feel free to put me on mute.

9. If I put you on mute, it's because I'm talking shit about you, or laughing at how stupid you are, or cursing. Mostly, I'm cursing.

10. Every story you've ever heard about dumb people is true. All of this is true.

Just ask the person who answers the phone when you call for tech support.

11.07.02 || 9:52 am

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