d*land

As Fast As Wheels Can Turn.

Listen to me. I'm only going to say this once.

My comfort lays in the past, as horrible and dysfunctional as that may seem. The pain and the hurt have been with me for far too long not to visit them*. Yes, I'll never have a better excuse to lay this down, and have it out. This is my shot, from the top of the key, from the right side of the goal. This is my opportunity to put the fucker in the net, and if I blow this, if I let it keep eating away at me, I'll have hundreds of dollars worth of therapy. I'll have fucked-up-ed-ness to deal with forever. I'll keep being hurt by the same things. I will never make it off of the bench.

Today I went back to 17. The first song I listened to in my first car was Driving - Everything But The Girl. It started then, the driving, the long way to work. There is every part of me wanting to stay at 17, before anything hurt, when I trusted everyone and had faith in the world.

It's not that I regret any part in my life, it's the jadedness I want to lose, it's the wide eyed I want back.

So fuck you. I'm done dealing with this. I'm tired of hashing and rehashing the same fucking shit and getting no where. I'm tired of sounding pathetic, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of my hang ups.

I'm tired of losing.

* Expect more of the same bat shit, at the same bat time, on the same bat channel

edited @ 6:11 pm - Shake Yo Ass

edited @ 6:19 pm - Won't find a bitch that's even bettah
I'll make ya hot as Las Vegas Weath-a

12.05.02 || 5:45 pm

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