d*land

Make it up as we go along.

I'm sick. I felt it coming last night, and it's not a surprise. When you don't take very good care of yourself, these things happen. I think what pisses me off about it, is that it's just a pissy cold. And colds don't really count as being sick, they're more of an annoyance. I am glad it came last night instead of Sunday, because now I've got 2 days to be a wimp. It's a cough, runny nose, runny eyes. God. I'm such a bitch.

. . .

I've been thinking of not being online any more, along with updating less, and just mostly doing other things. What I would do with all of the time has yet to be determined.

. . .

I guess I could keep this up. I could write back, give my retort, for what.

And that's fine, if you want to be like everyone else, at least I'm not going to be disappointed. This thing that I'm feeling now is familiar and comfortable, God knows how many times this has happened.

I'll give you the map so you can see how I knew this. How that road cuts into right there, you see? And there, that short cut, it leads right into there. That road is closed until Spring.

. . .

I hope you believe me when I say I expected nothing less than high drama now. Three years later, of course something was going to happen, and all the anticipation was not lost. I only come up long enough to be brought down again.

The cold is going to get into my bones. It goes so deep that not even you can get it out. It takes a week into California to defrost. I'd try to climb into the dryer if I thought it would help. But this is what happens when you have thin skin and your blood is working its way into places that it shouldn't.

. . .

It doesn't matter what I want. If all I've ever known is mac and cheese, and I've never seen anything but mac and cheese, all I'm going to want is mac and cheese. And so now, I've imagined a chicken breast cooked in tarragon, with a dijon sauce. So, fuck me if I want the chicken, and fuck me that I've thrown the bowl of mac and cheese against the wall. Because, now, I've got to go clean it up, and settle into my chair, and try to eat around the blue shards that are left.

All the while, I've got this Morrissey song running through my head...

He doesn't know, I can have both. I can have both.

12.14.02 || 6:27 am

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