If I should linger.
I don't think there is any way for me to properly explain the pent up sexual frustration I am going through.
Nor do I think I can explain this problem I have with not receiving any physical contact.
Staring Guy isn't a bad guy, he's just really touchy-feely, and under normal circumstances I could probably deal with the over abundance of attention I get from him. Normally, I would probably just be mean, or I would confront him. The truth is that when he touches me at work, no matter his intentions, it's the only kind of "affection" I have received in months. And I eat it up like I was starving, because I am.
I am not an overly affectionate person, which is why I find all of this so incredibly odd. I don't seek it out, or give it out. I usually only hug people I haven't seen in a long time, or people who seem like they're having a hard time, or people I'm not going to see for a long time. I don't like overly affectionate people because it makes me feel suffocated. I don't like having boyfriends who feel it's necessary to touch me all the time, like I'm going to run away. Maybe it's a reaction to my past, because I know that I flinch. Maybe I'm afraid of someone hurting me again. Maybe it's a huge trust issue waiting to be disected.
Staring Guy sits directly behind me, and he's fairly new so he asks a lot of questions. I've been known to space out, or be totally into what ever I'm doing, so sometimes it's hard to get and hold my attention. Usually, he comes up behind me and rubs my shoulders, but today... today he took his hand up the back of my neck, grabbed a handful of hair, and pulled on it gently. I know that my eyes rolled into the back of my head, because there are very, very few things that flip my switch the way that does. Thank God he didn't see my face.
I don't really have an ending for this, because there really wasn't a point. I'm just frustrated.