God. Fuck this.
Natural progression. Hurt, anger. Back to hurt, finally anger, then nothing. This will be a flat liner in a few hours.
I absolutely cannot continue doing this. I can't, it's going to kill me.
I cannot continue to think I'm going to be the exception, I'm going to make the happy ending, I'm enough.
I hate that I can't think everyone else is fucked up. There are just too many to think it's anything but me. The only constant has been me, so logically, I must be the cause of everything wrong.
So excuse the fuck out of me for wanting everything. Pardon me for thinking something else, something I should have never thought from the start.
Jesus, just fuck me right off, from the beginning. And fuck you for wanting the same goddamn thing as everyone else.
I wish you had never apologized, and I wish you had just kept being the same asshole I keep seeing. I wish we could have just had meaningless sex and I wish I didn't care.
Most days, I wish this thing never fucking existed. I wish there were not people on the other end, and I wish there was no such thing as a telephone.
Goddamn it that I read too much into everything. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I can't say fuck enough times.
I hate this. I fucking hate it. It's so much that it just doesn't have any where to go, and I'll regret this later, like I've regretted so many things I've put here because I can't be taken as a five minute feeling, it's got to be strung out to all of eternity.
I can't change what I want, I can't change you, I can't change the clean and simple fact that everything is fucked now, because you called me on everything I've buried. Now, all I can see is how stupid I am, how completely idiotic I've been, thinking I could handle it.
I can't do anything right. I can't even hope for the right fucking things.