Bring me sugar.
I'm so totally unfunny here. I mean, really. I lack the ability to tell a story and have it be even remotely humorous. In fact, I'm pretty sure I can't even spell the word.
I'd like a cup of coffee, but I have no half and half, and frankly, I'd rather drink pool water than coffee without creamer.
I'm less upset about the events from today. (And, he did call, bless his heart)
But we've been going around and around about some jealousy issues that come up, now fairly regularly.
I think maybe I forgot that when you sleep with someone, you get an emotional attachment to them, regardless of whether or not you want one. So now, I get upset at how quickly, and probably stupidly, I've become attached. And because "we are not a couple", I have no right into his private life that does not include me. Unfortunately, I feel like maybe I give too much of myself to make privacy an issue. I'm left feeling completely naked, while he on the other hand, is fully clothed.
It's not a secret that I have trust issues, coupled with abandonment problems. It really is hard for me to not immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm just another notch in his belt, that soon enough, he'll get tired of me and just stop talking. I know in my head that I'm not and he won't, but my heart still does that awful sinking, quick beat, sinking thing.
He gets jealous as well, only I know it's in much smaller doses than mine.
Still. There's an expectation of me that I put on myself. And I know that emotionally, I could not handle a sexual relationship with another person now. Yet, I cannot expect the same kind of thoughts from him.
That's disappointing, to say the least. It seems silly, in your head, to be jealous of things you know nothing about. But it's brought on by fear of the unknown, and previous experiences. And there's nothing I can do about that.
I've acknowledged the fact that we're skirting the issue here, I believe there's a string of denial running.
I can't say anything, really. Or offer suggestions to him. I can only hope that sometime he'll figure out what's really going on.
And maybe I'm being presumptuous. But, I was there. You don't feel kisses in every cell in your body with just anyone.