d*land

Fuck.

I'm really goddamned scared right now. I'm afraid that if the last week is any indication of how my trip goes, I'll end up stranded in the middle of Nevada.

I'm petrified into immobility. I can't do anything but sit here, and click around. I'm too afraid to move, to do anything that needs to get done. I'm scared I'm not going to get the house clean enough for my mom to get her deposit back, and I'm totally and completely afraid that everything isn't going to fit into the trailer.

I'm doubting the choice I have made. Things just aren't working out the way they're supposed to, and really, I'm a helpless mess.

I don't even know where to start. I don't know. I hate being like this, I hate feeling like such a baby, unable to take care of herself. I don't know where the woman I was this morning went, but more than likely, she's left me for a sunnier place. I'm sick of being a 4 year old.

Now would be a good time for you to come online. Now, would be the best time for you to talk to me, for you to Shh me, so I can calm down. Right now, I'm regretting nearly everything I've ever done to get me here.

God.

I'm so fucking scared I can't stop crying.

I just want some peace.

01.27.03 || 1:25 pm

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