It's not just a hole.
Back in 1996, I had one of my few encouters with something that made me question my belief in God.
I saw the Grand Canyon.
The trip itself, the drive was awful. From Colorado Springs to Sacramento for my brother's graduation, with my dad and his much younger girlfriend, now fiance.
I remember we all got out of the car, walked over to the split rail fence between life and certain death, and standing there, jaw dropped.
My dad and I having the Holy-Fucking-God experience, my dad's girlfriend saying, "You know... I just don't think I can appreciate this. Maybe I should come back when I'm older."
It was at that exact moment I saw her for exactly who she was, and who my dad was for being with her.
. . .
I told that story because my dad is trying to get my brother to go with him on a three day vacation package to the Grand Canyon. Last night, my brother was trying to figure out why.
Here's where I come in as a judgemental fuck.
My dad is as far from spiritual as one can get. At least that's how I feel about him. He's a few degrees away from me. I believe he probably has moments, like we all do, but I think he can't explain them.
My brother is very spiritual. I think he's got some answers, but I think he was born with that, and he spent years in his early twenties exploring that.
I believe my dad wants to purchase his God. He wants to fork over the thousand bucks, and he wants someone to point it out for him. He needs my brother to go in order to have this God validated, in order to have a witness. He also needs him to go because he's too scared to do anything by himself.
My dad hasn't been alone since he was 17, and he's 48.
I'm a little sad that I can't tell him what he needs to do, and that's go off by himself. My brother said he can only help if my dad asks specifically.
So. I'm going to watch my dad pay money for something he could find in his backyard, if only he opened his eyes.