Oh, Lord, please stop that noise.
While I was cleaning out my closet earlier, I was trying to think of anything else that could possibly be bothering me. Any other small thing that could be eating away at my brain, anything else I could give you that I wouldn't ever say to your face. Because as hard as it may be to believe, I am a nice person, most of the time.
I considered, briefly, linking the You that's been plaguing my pages, and thought better of it. For several reasons. I'm ashamed that he doesn't feel the same way, and I feel like an ass for ever being vocal about how I feel. It's a small regret, one that I can live with, and a lesson I've never quite learned. I'm not one to be shy about how I'm feeling, nor do I play the "I'm not saying it until you say it" game. I hate doing that, because when I feel it, I think I should feel comfortable enough to say it. I think it says a lot for how I felt around him the short time we spent together. But. I still feel like an ass.
The other reason is because I truly care for this man, and I don't want to get him involved in the mess that's brewing. I want to keep him clear and away from everything that is my old life. It's me being protective, and it so rarely shows I want to let it be so that I can feel like a good person.
I will say that You is not anyone that anyone knows, save the very few people I trust enough to tell.
I will also say that he made me laugh so hard today, I cried. And, I'm really pretty damn happy, in spite of everything.
I'm not pointing any more fingers today.