d*land

Boobies!

I don't think it's a big secret that I've been looking at a lot of porn lately. I mean, it's not excessive, but it's a lot for me. Any is a lot for me.

Mostly, I've been comparing my body to those naked chicks I see, and I've noticed that I have funny breasts. I mean to say, I think mine look better than some of the ones I've seen (because My. God. some of those women should stay dressed at all times, even in the shower), but my nipple placement looks all off.

Breasts are supposed to swoop, you know? In a curve?

I have cartoon breasts. They're circles, and my nipples are circles inside the circles. It's not that I have small breasts either, because then it would make sense for them to look like that. And they seem funny. I imagine if Matt Groening illustrated breasts, they would look like mine.

I don't know, really. I think my brain is becoming warped, and it's not as though my self image is all that stable.

Also, I've stressed and stressed about my nipples. They're not little cherries. They're not cute. For God's sake, they're 2 inches across at ease. It's got its own weather system!

Yeah. I'm so not getting naked in the light any time soon.

. . .

I'm not taking any pictures, you're just going to have to take my word for it, or use your imagination from this. Unless anyone wants to come forward... and I'm ashamed of how many people who read this have seen me naked, or at least topless.

. . .

Special Note to Shitty: Seeing my breasts in your dreams doesn't count, so shut up. I'll delete your commenting ass faster than you can prematurely ejaculate.

. . .

Yes. I really did write an entire entry on my breasts.